Turning Blue

When you're in the Infantry, to Turn Blue is a big deal. Turning Blue happens at the end of Basic Training, when you're just about to be released. The last thing that happens is you get to pin on your blue cord, which goes around your shoulder and under your arm. This blue cord is a big deal in the Army cuz ONLY the Infantry get to wear it. And of course, the Infantry is the best job in the army. Hell, as far as Infantrymen are concerned, it's the ONLY job in the army. Well, I turned blue at the end of basic training, along with every other Infantryman who went thru the Ft. Benning school for boys. And I'm proud of it. Well, let me tell you another story about "turning blue." At JRTC, on Ft. Polk, there aren't any bathrooms. Only porta-poopers. Well, just as a rule, I try to avoid them, but when you're out there for a month, eventually you must make a visit. Well, one morning, I made such a visit. And it was a good visit. Very productive. Then, 2 hours later, I made another visit. But this visit was different. Why? Well, it was windy that day, my friends. And as I stepped inside, and began to, ahem, prepare myself, I noticed the wind picked up dramatically. Before I knew what was happening, the whole bank of porta-poopers was tipping over. As I was tipping over, the thought went thru my head: the man that cleans these things usually comes around 9am. It's now 11am. I hope to god this man has done his job...Cuz I knew that just 2 hours before, I had been in here using the facility and there were many other such, ahem, depositors as well. It was full at 9am. Had the man come and done his job? I was about to find out. So, as I and the porta-poopers were tipping over, I looked at the hole into which one makes one's deposits, and there, coming out of the hole, was a blue gush of liquid, just like in the hallway scene in the movie, The Shining, when all the blood is rushing down the hallway at the little boy. Remember that one? Well, that's what this was like: blue cleaning antiseptic liquid with chunks of this and that, gushing out the hole and rushing towards me, the little boy! Then, we finished tipping and actually landed, and then the gushing really started in earnest! And I was stuck! I was on my back and my leg had slipped out the door and the pooper landed on the door with my leg stuck outside! I was trapped and could get no leverage and there I lay, as the blue gushed and ran over me and around me, engulfing me in its scented, bluish antiseptic filthiness. Indeed, the man who cleans those poopers had come and had done his job, but a handful of soldiers had come behind him and wiped away his progress in the subsequent 2 hours. And I, your humble narrator, was the recipient of that largesse. I turned blue, for the second time. And, needless to say, I also turned a little brown and yellow. Disgusting, I know. Such is life in the Infantry. My buddy, RB from Ohio, who also went to the poopers with me, was still smoking a cig and had not entered the pooperbank yet. I called out to him and by a Herculean effort, he lifted the bank of poopers and allowed me to escape, soiled and sullied, but unbowed. As I emerged from the muck and came out of the pooper, some other soldiers were driving by and when they saw me, they stopped the Humvee, put it in park and fell OUT OF THE CAR Laughing. Their. Asses. Off! They were pointing and laughing and taking pictures. I became something of a celebrity that day. I turned a little red at that point. For the next 5 days, people were calling me Papa Smurf, The Blue Man Group, Mr. Infantry...The list goes on. Yes, sometimes, turning blue can mean any number of things. HOOAH!