Bitter Irony

So Iraq is blessed/cursed with the 2nd largest proven oil reserves in the world, right? And oil does make the world go round and round, right? And the US does use like 20 million barrels of the black every single day, right? And other western countries and many developing countries use roughly the same amount, right? Well, that's all good, right? Right. Sure. So what's the title about? The bitter irony is, why, if this country is positively floating on oil, do the people here have to wait in mile long gas lines every morning to buy fuel from a gas station that's open only 4 or 5 hours a day? I mean, every night, around 10 pm, the people start lining up at the gas station that is closed. The guy is there, watching TV on a mat in his parking lot, but the gate stays shut. But they line up there, so at 9am, when that gate opens, they will be the first to pump the stuff that runs this world. But by 7 or 8am, there is a line stretching a mile down the street and they come at it from both sides. It's a full on traffic jam by 10. There is much yelling, jockeying and bartering going on and the lucky ones get some juice. It's like Mad Max over here. OPEN THE GATES!! There seems to be some method to the madness: if you come on foot or on a motorcycle, you can jump to the front, the logic being (i think) that you won't take as much. But woe is you if you come in your car or, heaven forbid, in a cargo truck! You'll wait and wait...and wait. So many times you'll see some poor sap pushing his Yugo or his Lada into the line and then have to inch it up every time the line creeps forward. Define irony? Something is remarkable for a reason other than what you would expect it to be. Define bitter irony? Waiting all morning for gas in Iraq. One must laugh out loud to maintain one's sense of normalcy.

Just The Facts, Mam.

OK, so we've traveled from Ft Hood, to Bangor then to Ireland and then on in to Kuwait. We stayed in Kuwait for a week or so, just eating, sleeping and getting acclimatized to the environment. Then we took a C130 on in to Tallil Air Base near Nasiriyah. There we stayed for about 10 days, eating in the nice Air Conditioned Dining Facility and doing a detail here and there. But mostly, we just relaxed. It was real quiet there, with KBR houses for us to live in. We were 4 guys in a 2 man room. But it was dark and cool in there and the Chow Hall had everything you could imagine. We ate and drank and there was much rejoicing. Finally, the weather cleared and we got on some Blackhawks and cruised 30 minutes east over to a base near Amarah. And here we are. At first, we were in a tent on an Iraqi base, just living. I was one of the "lucky" ones to go to the desert. We lived in a hole out there. It's a bunker, really, next to an airfield. It looked like a rape room, because in both rooms in the bunker there is a hook screwed into the ceiling. We were told the hook was to hang lights and such. Yeah, right. This hook could support a heavy dude. No one around for miles... So, we settled into a routine of manning the mortar gun and pulling 50cal guard. We were 8 people, working 24-7. Each guy slept about 5 hours a day and it was hot. There was no way to beat the heat at all. After your shift you'd go down into the bunker and just sit or try to sleep. You could sleep, but you were sweating profusely. So after 1 hour or so, you'd wake, 5 lbs lighter and totally drenched. It's rough out there. But now, I'm in the city, guarding a fledgling base. We have internet, obviously, phones, AC and showers. It's Heaven, yeah! We'll all be going back out there soon enough, when this gig ends. But for now, I'm totally taking advantage. Our position out there has been invaded a few times...by camels and sand storms. It's really cool to wake up and see a thousand camels just silently moving past your position on their way to...somewhere. In both places, morale is high and people are smiling. Also, in both places, it's been very, very quiet. Almost, too quiet. Who knows what the future brings, and really, who cares. We're gonna be here in this country for a while. The Iraqis seem neutral about our presence. No one waves but no one flips us off, either. So, neutral is good, right? The city is very dirty and there is the ever-present smell of burning garbage, air pollution and burning poop. It's quite a smell, let me tell you. If you've ever been to Beijing or Seoul, it's like that, only 10x worse. It's crazy. But, the money is good, the food is bad and the streets are ugly. All in all, one helluva an experience. I'll update more when I can and put photos if possible. You should see the spiders here! As big as your hand, and they scream at you! The other night, on guard duty, 3am, I smelled...Mexican food! My mind and stomach went crazy! So, I went for the next best thing: an MRE. It means, Meal Ready to Eat. It was packaged 2 years ago and tasted OK. It's like Astronaut food, I guess. Not bad, full of calories and makes for a solid stool. Too much info, I'm sure. But I just report the facts. These are the facts and they are undisputed!

Over There

Just found out that we are leaving tomorrow night. We were supposed to leave on the 14th but a handful of us have been pushed up. That's great, tho. I'm ready to go. We've been sitting around here for awhile and now, no more sitting. It's gonna be a long, hot summer and a very full year. Bu this is what we do. I'll be adding pictures and videos and detailed posts asap. Probably won't be for awhile, tho. Our conditions are gonna be pretty spartan, at least initially. Talk to yall on the flip...

Turning Blue

When you're in the Infantry, to Turn Blue is a big deal. Turning Blue happens at the end of Basic Training, when you're just about to be released. The last thing that happens is you get to pin on your blue cord, which goes around your shoulder and under your arm. This blue cord is a big deal in the Army cuz ONLY the Infantry get to wear it. And of course, the Infantry is the best job in the army. Hell, as far as Infantrymen are concerned, it's the ONLY job in the army. Well, I turned blue at the end of basic training, along with every other Infantryman who went thru the Ft. Benning school for boys. And I'm proud of it. Well, let me tell you another story about "turning blue." At JRTC, on Ft. Polk, there aren't any bathrooms. Only porta-poopers. Well, just as a rule, I try to avoid them, but when you're out there for a month, eventually you must make a visit. Well, one morning, I made such a visit. And it was a good visit. Very productive. Then, 2 hours later, I made another visit. But this visit was different. Why? Well, it was windy that day, my friends. And as I stepped inside, and began to, ahem, prepare myself, I noticed the wind picked up dramatically. Before I knew what was happening, the whole bank of porta-poopers was tipping over. As I was tipping over, the thought went thru my head: the man that cleans these things usually comes around 9am. It's now 11am. I hope to god this man has done his job...Cuz I knew that just 2 hours before, I had been in here using the facility and there were many other such, ahem, depositors as well. It was full at 9am. Had the man come and done his job? I was about to find out. So, as I and the porta-poopers were tipping over, I looked at the hole into which one makes one's deposits, and there, coming out of the hole, was a blue gush of liquid, just like in the hallway scene in the movie, The Shining, when all the blood is rushing down the hallway at the little boy. Remember that one? Well, that's what this was like: blue cleaning antiseptic liquid with chunks of this and that, gushing out the hole and rushing towards me, the little boy! Then, we finished tipping and actually landed, and then the gushing really started in earnest! And I was stuck! I was on my back and my leg had slipped out the door and the pooper landed on the door with my leg stuck outside! I was trapped and could get no leverage and there I lay, as the blue gushed and ran over me and around me, engulfing me in its scented, bluish antiseptic filthiness. Indeed, the man who cleans those poopers had come and had done his job, but a handful of soldiers had come behind him and wiped away his progress in the subsequent 2 hours. And I, your humble narrator, was the recipient of that largesse. I turned blue, for the second time. And, needless to say, I also turned a little brown and yellow. Disgusting, I know. Such is life in the Infantry. My buddy, RB from Ohio, who also went to the poopers with me, was still smoking a cig and had not entered the pooperbank yet. I called out to him and by a Herculean effort, he lifted the bank of poopers and allowed me to escape, soiled and sullied, but unbowed. As I emerged from the muck and came out of the pooper, some other soldiers were driving by and when they saw me, they stopped the Humvee, put it in park and fell OUT OF THE CAR Laughing. Their. Asses. Off! They were pointing and laughing and taking pictures. I became something of a celebrity that day. I turned a little red at that point. For the next 5 days, people were calling me Papa Smurf, The Blue Man Group, Mr. Infantry...The list goes on. Yes, sometimes, turning blue can mean any number of things. HOOAH!

Integrity: Is there such a thing as too much?

The short answer, is no. For most of March, we were at JRTC on Ft. Polk in Louisiana. It's a training base where you do lots of, well, training, designed to get you ready for your deployment. In our case, Iraq. We were there a month, not sleeping, going on patrols, doing mortar drills, eating bad food, and playing chess. Well, one night, my friend VT, from Buffalo, NY, goes outside to have a smoke and before I knew it, he had run back in the tent and then come back out, this time, with his weapon. (side note: while deployed, even in training, your weapon goes EVERYWHERE with you. EVERYWHERE.) He asked me, cuz I outrank him, how many push-ups does he owe. I said, how about 50? So he knocks out 50. Then we move on...But for 15 minutes, I notice he's agitated, so I ask him what's wrong. Oh, nothing. We go back inside. Then 5 minutes later, he comes to me and says, get your stuff, let's go outside! Ok...So we go outside and he asks me to smoke him. Smoke you? Like, smoke you? Yes, Specialist, smoke me! I forgot my weapon and I need to be punished! Are you serious? And he yelled at me, yes! I'm serious! Smoke the shit out of me! So I did. For the next 20 minutes, his life was pushups, bearcrawls, ironmikes, leglifts, rifle PT and whatever else I could come up with. He was thoroughly sweating and was exclaiming loudly, upon being asked, that he would NEVER forget his weapon again. Are you sure? Yes, Specialist, I'll never forget it again! OK, then, position of attention...MOVE! Fall out...I hugged him and was touched by his integrity. No one would have known he screwed up. No one except him...Like my father has told me a million times, the true measure of a man's character and integrity can be measured by what he would do if he knew he wouldn't be caught. VT has character and integrity enough for many men. Hats off you...

WASSUP!!

yeah, yeah, it's been awhile...i know. so, here's Dec, Jan and some of Feb, in a few sentences: Dec, i hurt my leg. real effin bad! Dec and Jan, i recovered and learned how to walk again. Jan, i finally was walking properly and lo and behold, actually running! my run time actually got better. cool, huh? Feb, we did several live fires: mortars, 50 cal and 240's. we spent many days out in the field. it was cold, and beautiful. we got a new CO. and it's not the like the Who song about meet the new boss or something. he is the new boss, but he ain't like the old boss! and that's good. we also got the word about where and when: early Jun, south Iraq. near nasiriyah, doing convoy escort and such. should be 15 months, or so. i wanna do SF, but that's gonna have to wait til later. probably a good thing, cuz upon returning from iraq, i'll know FOR SURE whether or not i wanna stay in the army. met a couple ladies lately. and that's good! one just wanted to be friends...and the other definitely wants to be friends! being friends is perfect with me. i got some new jeans today.

NTC AAR

AAR means After Action Report. The US Military just LOVES acronyms. So, we spent 30 days in the CA desert and this is what I learned: the desert DOES get cold at night...very. fucking. cold!! Riding in a helicopter is as cool as I always thought it would be. Calling in air strikes from a pair of Apache attack choppers is pretty cool. That day must have cost you, the US taxpayer, roughly 250,000$. We all went three times and there were 20 of us. They shot something like 100 3 inch rockets and thousands of rounds of 30mm chain gun ammo. It was cool, and loud! I need more training time on the 50caliber machine gun. Shaving with no hot water is very hard and very painful. Must get an electric razor. T Mobile has no service in the desert. Must get verizon or sprint. Riding airplanes with 300 other guys and everyone has an M4 machine gun is pretty cool. It's nice to come home. NTC was cool, but I was told by all the veterans of Iraq that everything that happens at NTC does not happen in Iraq. So we're training for something we're not gonna be doing. Strange, huh? Definitely going SF! Can't wait...